The Seeder

On my front porch where any of my girlfriends can come and visit for a spell sits between two white, Cracker Barrel rockers a seeder. Do you see it in the picture?

Before moving into my grandparents’ home on three acres of land, I had no idea these things existed. As a matter of fact, we had lived here about nine years when a neighbor down the street showed up on my doorstep returning my Pappaw’s seeder. It is now one of my favorite things because it belonged to my Pappaw who planted a garden every year he could.

For those who don’t know how a seeder works, let me explain. Depending on the seed you wish to plant determines the disk you insert into the red bucket. Carrot seeds, small peas, all the way up to big seeds can be planted with this tool. After inserting the selected disk, you pour the seeds into the red bucket and begin pushing it down the row. The seed drops into the divot on the disc. The disc turns as the seeder is pushed at a certain pace depositing the seed at certain intervals. Presto! Seeds are planted. Neater than socks on rooster, huh?

The first time we tried planting a garden here we didn’t have the seeder, and we hand seeded our garden. It was painful the next day. Our daughter was young at the time, so she “helped.” We had clumps of seeds here and there, but she had a great time.

God gives us the tools we need to plant seeds in the heart and lives of people. Successful seeding may require intentionally planting the seed of truth into a person’s life. There’s a certain cadence and depth seeds have to be planted. Same is true with God’s truth.

Some girlfriends cannot receive the whole truth of salvation at the first sitting or first introduction. It’s okay. Be patient and speak only the words God gives you.

Some girlfriends need to see your authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. She will need to hear your speech is different; your outlook is different; you are different. Don’t use churchy language.

The most effective witness is to tell someone what God has done for you. No one can argue with that. Then follow up with, “Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ too?” It’s the beginning of a conversation.

The other thing that sits between the two rockers is a red watering can. Red is one of my favorite colors. Seeds require water and sunshine to grow. Relationships require watering to grow as well. Take time to reach out to the girlfriend that you have seeded to see how her day is going.

Develop a common interest and share time together cooking a meal or gardening. Do something that promotes conversation. At some point, ask her if she’s thought about what you had talked about previously and see if it progresses. Don’t push. Let the Spirit lead. You follow.

Keep in mind when you refer to God being your Father that some girlfriends did not have good relationships with their earthly fathers. This may open up some personal conversation that she will need you to keep to yourself. Please be respectful with what a girlfriend shares with you. Protect that information and her.

To be a good girlfriend, you have to share Jesus. You can’t just keep Jesus to yourself and expect someone else to ask you. It’s time for you to be a good girlfriend and start having these conversations with the women you know. You won’t regret the investment.

http://blueletterbible.org/

Front Porch Time: True Friendship Doesn't Involve Competition

In this age of Facebook, Instagram, Tweets, Facetime, and Skype, we have lost the personalization of one-on-one friendship with girlfriends. It’s so easy to hop on Facebook and “see” what is going on in people’s lives, but it’s not their real lives. You do know that, don’t you?

We post the good things in life. Occasionally on social media someone will air their dirty laundry, like my Mammaw used to say, but in truth this is not the proper forum.

True, authentic relationships these days have to be intentional whether the relationship is marital, coworkers, parent-child, or girlfriend relationships.

A girlfriend of mine and I refer to “front porch time,” as time for just us to sit on my front porch, rock and talk. Sometimes we have to schedule it. But it’s good mental health time for us both.

In working in women’s ministry now for seven years, I’ve found that godly, growing, Christian girlfriends are hard to find. I’ve also discovered women need to be taught what a godly, growing, Christian girlfriend looks like and even more importantly how to be one. So many women are stunted with high school mentalities when it comes to girlfriends.

Competition regarding whose child is doing best at school, in a sport, or life in general has no place in a relationship with your girlfriend. Can you go a whole conversation without bragging about your kid(s) and what they are doing? Competition in any area of life is detrimental in a girlfriend relationship. Focus on your friend. Find out what is going on with her. What is going on behind the smoke and mirrors of her Facebook posts. It requires focusing on someone other than yourself, and some women just are not capable of it. Some are not interested in focusing on anyone else either.

“Communication is key.”

I challenge you to ask a friend if you can record a conversation. Sounds weird. I know, but there’s a point. I challenged my leadership team to do just that because they were using a lot of personal pronouns in their conversations – I, me, my, mine. If you use a lot of personal pronouns, guess who is the center of your conversation and the center of your attention? YOU! And that is not being a very good girlfriend.

Trust is developed over time. Do not expect someone to share her deep, dark secrets with you immediately. She may trust you with something small to see what you do with it. Will you pray for her? Will you send her a card? Will you follow up with her? If you prove yourself trustworthy, she may be willing to make the next step.

Time is important in any relationship too. Face-to-face, in-person time has to be intentional. Make an appointment if necessary. Girlfriend, you need girlfriends your age, with your interest, or shared history! Make it a priority. Some women get through raising their children only to find out they don’t have any friends of their own. They have “friends” because they are the moms of their children’s friends but none of her own. It is healthy for you to have your own friends and to have girlfriends outside your marriage.

Forgiveness is a must in any relationship. We are flawed human beings living in a fallen world. You may or may not intentionally hurt your girlfriend, and sometimes you have to decide is it more important to be right or have this friendship. Either way, are you willing to apologize? It requires humility. Do you have it in you?

Be reliable. Don’t be some flake that says she will be there or do something and then doesn’t do it. Trust me some women are known for that. It is better to say, “I can’t help this time,” than to commit and not do it. And be reasonable with yourself. It’s okay to say “no” to something. Don’t overcommit. You, your family and your relationships pay when you overcommit.

And realize there will be seasons in your life when relationships with your girlfriends have to be loosely threaded because you are raising kids, taking care of an elderly family member, relocating, etc. But never cut your girlfriends out completely. Women are designed to be communal in nature. Nesters, we are. Choose your flock of chicks (girlfriends) wisely.

I am so thankful for the beautiful tapestry of girlfriends God has woven into my life. He could have offered this beautiful tapestry, and I could have rejected it choosing instead to keep women at arm’s length. If I had rejected God’s gift, I would have missed out on knowing some amazing women who have been with me through thick and thin. When I need prayer and support, they are just a click or call away. I am not the perfect girlfriend by any means, but God didn’t call me to be perfect. He called me to serve, love and obey.

http://blueletterbible.org/

Front Porch Time -- Into Every Life a Little Rain Must Fall

When I was a little girl, I lived with my family in a 12 foot by 60 foot trailer.  Back then, they weren’t called anything fancy like “modular homes” or things like that. One of my favorite memories is when it would rain and hit the metal roof. It was peculiar how the rain had its own rhythm. It would lull me right to sleep. To this day, I keep trying to convince my husband to replace our shingled roof with a metal one, but he says they’re too expensive if done correctly.

Currently, I’m sitting on my front porch in one of my rockers, I'm enjoying a cool spring rain. The rain is coming steady and straight down.

I hear it. I smell it. And I'm thankful. Our garden needed rain. Did you know rain is different than tap water or well water?

Rain is soft water and contains nitrates which is one of the key elements plants need to grow and thrive, to be lush, to reproduce and produce. After this rain, our garden will shoot up a few more inches.

Rain can come in a variety of speeds. A mist. A sprinkle. A gentle rain. A hard rain, and there's the kind of rain in which the windshield wipers might as well fly right off the car because there isn’t a speed fast enough to move the water off the windshield.

Rain can last for a moment, days up to a week.

It can rain so much the results are disastrous. In 2016, Denham Springs, Louisiana, had a 500 year flood. I had never heard of such. I had heard of 100 year flood because we had that type of flooding earlier in the year. A 500 year flood means it had never rained that much. It flooded areas that never flooded. School were closed. Highways were under water. Many lost everything. 

To know how strong a friendship truly is, a little rain must fall. When problems arise in your friendship, how do you respond? Pettiness or with grace and understanding.  How easily do you or your girlfriend forgive each other or do you hold a grudge?

Proverbs 18:24

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

When things go terribly wrong on your life, who's standing there beside you, praying for you and with you, and who abandons you at the first sign of hardship? When the rain is so heavy she can’t see five feet in front of her face, where are you and what are you doing?

Who are the friends who stay with you when the hardship lasts past a moment into a day and stretches on into weeks, months, years? Are you that kind of friend?  Do you endure? You can't expect to have those kind of friends if you are not that kind of friend yourself.   

But here’s the thing. Our girlfriends also have lives of their own, so they may not be able to be there when catastrophe hit or when a little rain falls. Realize this isn’t all about you. When times like this come, and they always do, Proverbs 18:24 tells us we have a friend who is closer than a brother. There will be times when Jesus wants to be the only Friend you seek. In truth, He’s the only Friend you need, but He blesses us with friends in this life knowing we need girlfriends who will stand in the gap for us and with us from time to time.

As soon as you realize you are angry with a girlfriend because she isn’t there for you, you need to check yourself. Have you called and checked on her? Is she going through something? True friendship doesn’t just benefit you.

http://biblegateway.com/

Front Porch Time -- Mowing the Lawn

Sitting in my rocker on my front porch, my husband is mowing our grass, and while it isn't very peaceful, there is something I love. I love the smell of fresh cut grass. 

Our home sits on about three acres of land, and he uses a zero turning mower which makes quick work of this chore.  It's much faster than using a push mower for sure. 

When we lived in the city, he would spray weed and feed, and he would aerate the ground. He made sure the yard was irrigated well. My husband liked a pretty yard. 

Now there are so many things going on in our lives, we settle for a mowed lawn. Businesses to run. Kids with active social lives. Kids in sports. Church. So we opt for the KISS method - Keep It Simple Sweetie.

Some friendships require a lot of time and investment. You want to make sure it's healthy and growing, but eventually life happens. Our friendships take a backseat somewhat to life, but friendships must be maintained even if it's touching base by phone once or twice a week. 

I have a girlfriend, and we call and check in with each other from time-to-time because we haven't had face-to-face time in a while. Sometimes she calls. She's really so good at it. Sometimes I call.

We make dates to spend time together, to get dinner, to get coffee.

Women need healthy, godly, growing Christian, girlfriends. If you are denying yourself of this blessing, you will look up one day when your kids are out of the house and realize all of your "friends" were actually parents of your kid's friends. When kids go to college, get married or move away, is this woman the kind of friend who will still be there?

You can't just pop up when you need something or want something. You are a user if that is your definition of friendship. If the only time you hear from someone is to ask for something or for a favor, she's NOT your friend. 

You can't expect people to be a friend to you, if you are not a friend. If you claim you are a friend, what kind of friend are you? Are you invested in the relationship? Is she invested in the friendship? These are important things to consider when you decide to confide in someone. 

http://biblehub.com/

Front Porch Friend Time -- Let the Wind Blow

My husband and I used to live in Belton, Texas. We absolutely loved it there and had hoped we would raise our family there. God had other plans for us.

Behind our backyard fence in Belton was an open field. The city would allow the grass to grow three feet high before coming to mow. I didn’t mind it at all. I’d sit on my back porch when the wind was blowing and watch the grass bend and melodically move beneath the wait of the wind. It was mesmerizing and cathartic. It had the same effect on me as when I would sit on a beach and watch the ocean waves come in.

Now as I sit on my front porch, I watch and listen to the wind move the limbs and leaves of the tall trees in my yard and my neighbors’ yards. It’s symphonic. The harder the wind blows, the louder the leaves rustle. I become hypnotized watching how the wind will move some branches in one direction and others in a completely different direction. It’s just so peaceful.

In addition to the wind blowing the leaves, there are birds singing and squirrels squalling. (Apparently, someone is in BIG trouble. I’m not a squirrel whisperer, but I think an angry momma in any language translates through the tone of her voice. Ha!)

                VOCAB WORD FOR THE DAY: Psithurism – noun… The sound of the wind through the trees (thefreedictionary.com)

Wind can be as gentle as a breeze, but as powerful as a hurricane. I once worked a catastrophe involving a tornado that hit downtown Lancaster, Texas, and the force of the wind caused a pine needle to go through concrete and a metal sign. That was some powerful wind.

It’s funny. You don’t see the wind, but you see the effects of the wind. You can feel the wind. Much like you don’t see the Holy Spirit, but you see the effects of the Holy Spirit and can feel His presence. If there was ever a friend we need to engage in conversation with it is the Spirit.

When we feel alone, the Spirit can fill us (Acts 13:52) and give us joy. He pours God’s love into our hearts (Romans 5:5). He intercedes for us when we don’t have the words (Romans 8:26). The Spirit searches God and knows the deepest things and then He communes with us (1 Corinthians 2:10). He gives gifts, spiritual gifts (1 Corinthians 12). He gives us freedom from what holds us hostage (2 Corinthians 3:17). There are so many benefits to having a close relationship with the Spirit, but often, we overlook it.

Have you ever heard someone say, “What a coincidence”? I don’t believe in coincidences at all. If something like that happens, I’m looking for the hand of God. I’m going to be looking to see the effects of the Spirit moving and working.  I’m going to be talking to the Spirit asking what I am supposed to be seeing or understanding.

“You can’t direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.”

There are Christians who pray for God to give them a sign but fail to see the Spirit moving in their lives because He doesn’t move in the expected way. He doesn’t handle your problem the way He handled someone else’s. Just like the wind, it moves some branches in one direction and others in a different direction. Stop trying to make the Spirit do or be something you want. Start being the child of God the Spirit can work with to mature. There’s a saying, “You can’t direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.” You can’t tell the Spirit what to do, but you can adjust and change according to how He leads. The question is, are you willing to adjust and change and move with the Spirit.

http://biblehub.com/

Front Porch Friends -- What Makes a Great Front Porch?

What makes a great front porch? 

When my grandparents were growing up and raising their kids, front porches were a big thing in the South. Since there was no air conditioning, it's where family and friends would congregate to sit a spell and visit. My Pappaw grew up in a dog trot house with a large front porch. My Mammaw's had a big porch, and the kitchen was on the back part of the house so as to not give off too much heat.

In this day and age, people are in such a hurry. We don't take time to savor conversations, to study the face of our friend as she tells as story, to hear the texture of a person's voice in person. In truth, many have not learned how to be good, in-person friends. We have "Friends" on Facebook. We have followers on Pinterest, Snapchat, and Tweets, but how many genuine friends can you sit down with and talk for hours if given the opportunity.

True friendship and communicating in person is slowly dying away, and I don't want that to happen. So when you see "Front Porch," just know we are going to be talking about authentic friendships, friendships that endure, and friendships to treasure. I hope you'll come along.

So, what makes a good front porch friendship? 

Consider the direction porch faces and what time of day you are visiting your porch. If it faces the east, you may not want to be out there first thing in the morning. If it faces the west, you may not want to be out there in the afternoon. My preference is a north or south facing porch. I bet you've never even considered that s have you? This way you can sit on one end in the morning and the other in the evening.

Consider your view. I have around an acre with tall trees. My neighbors around me also have big lots and trees. In the evenings sometimes, I can see lightning bugs. It can be quite peaceful. 

Consider aesthetics. Depending on the time of day, I may hear squirrels running up and down trees and birds singing, or I may hear tree frogs and cicadas. 

Consider your position. Are you standing or sitting? If your sitting, are you rocking, swinging or sitting still? My faves are rockers and swings 

Consider what you find on your front porch? For me, I find peace and quiet. I find good conversation with friends in the rocker next to mine.  I find fresh air and a change of scenery, and sometimes, I find a little sanity. 

When choosing a girlfriend/best friend, consider the direction each of your lives are going. Are both of you growing in faith and in relationship with God? Are both of you choosing to invest time and have a mutual location you can meet from time to time?

Consider the view. Do her actions back up her words? Does she walk the talk? Do you? What do you see is her character? What is her reputation? What is she known for?

Consider the aesthetics. What are the words coming out of her mouth? Are they critical and negative? The words you speak -- do you speak life? What do you hear her actually saying? Are her morals and values like yours?

Consider your position. Do you have to be in charge? Does she? Do you see yourself able to serve her when a need arises? Do you see her helping you when you need help?

What do you hope to find in this friendship? Accountability? Honesty? Truthfulness? Someone you can be yourself around? To be accepted for who you are? Can she find those things in you?

Just like front porches, friendships with growing, godly girlfriends can be a beautiful, rewarding, wonderful blessing. If you have that kind of girlfriend, count yourself blessed. If you don't have one, don't give up hope. She's out there.  Maybe God just has to get you ready for it.

Time to get rockin'.