In this age of Facebook, Instagram, Tweets, Facetime, and Skype, we have lost the personalization of one-on-one friendship with girlfriends. It’s so easy to hop on Facebook and “see” what is going on in people’s lives, but it’s not their real lives. You do know that, don’t you?
We post the good things in life. Occasionally on social media someone will air their dirty laundry, like my Mammaw used to say, but in truth this is not the proper forum.
True, authentic relationships these days have to be intentional whether the relationship is marital, coworkers, parent-child, or girlfriend relationships.
A girlfriend of mine and I refer to “front porch time,” as time for just us to sit on my front porch, rock and talk. Sometimes we have to schedule it. But it’s good mental health time for us both.
In working in women’s ministry now for seven years, I’ve found that godly, growing, Christian girlfriends are hard to find. I’ve also discovered women need to be taught what a godly, growing, Christian girlfriend looks like and even more importantly how to be one. So many women are stunted with high school mentalities when it comes to girlfriends.
Competition regarding whose child is doing best at school, in a sport, or life in general has no place in a relationship with your girlfriend. Can you go a whole conversation without bragging about your kid(s) and what they are doing? Competition in any area of life is detrimental in a girlfriend relationship. Focus on your friend. Find out what is going on with her. What is going on behind the smoke and mirrors of her Facebook posts. It requires focusing on someone other than yourself, and some women just are not capable of it. Some are not interested in focusing on anyone else either.
“Communication is key.”
I challenge you to ask a friend if you can record a conversation. Sounds weird. I know, but there’s a point. I challenged my leadership team to do just that because they were using a lot of personal pronouns in their conversations – I, me, my, mine. If you use a lot of personal pronouns, guess who is the center of your conversation and the center of your attention? YOU! And that is not being a very good girlfriend.
Trust is developed over time. Do not expect someone to share her deep, dark secrets with you immediately. She may trust you with something small to see what you do with it. Will you pray for her? Will you send her a card? Will you follow up with her? If you prove yourself trustworthy, she may be willing to make the next step.
Time is important in any relationship too. Face-to-face, in-person time has to be intentional. Make an appointment if necessary. Girlfriend, you need girlfriends your age, with your interest, or shared history! Make it a priority. Some women get through raising their children only to find out they don’t have any friends of their own. They have “friends” because they are the moms of their children’s friends but none of her own. It is healthy for you to have your own friends and to have girlfriends outside your marriage.
Forgiveness is a must in any relationship. We are flawed human beings living in a fallen world. You may or may not intentionally hurt your girlfriend, and sometimes you have to decide is it more important to be right or have this friendship. Either way, are you willing to apologize? It requires humility. Do you have it in you?
Be reliable. Don’t be some flake that says she will be there or do something and then doesn’t do it. Trust me some women are known for that. It is better to say, “I can’t help this time,” than to commit and not do it. And be reasonable with yourself. It’s okay to say “no” to something. Don’t overcommit. You, your family and your relationships pay when you overcommit.
And realize there will be seasons in your life when relationships with your girlfriends have to be loosely threaded because you are raising kids, taking care of an elderly family member, relocating, etc. But never cut your girlfriends out completely. Women are designed to be communal in nature. Nesters, we are. Choose your flock of chicks (girlfriends) wisely.
I am so thankful for the beautiful tapestry of girlfriends God has woven into my life. He could have offered this beautiful tapestry, and I could have rejected it choosing instead to keep women at arm’s length. If I had rejected God’s gift, I would have missed out on knowing some amazing women who have been with me through thick and thin. When I need prayer and support, they are just a click or call away. I am not the perfect girlfriend by any means, but God didn’t call me to be perfect. He called me to serve, love and obey.