Friends
I’ve always loved having a big group of friends and an even closer circle of best friends. However, in middle school I had two friends, my cousin and another girl who changed schools in 7th grade. So, I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was also unpopular, and by that I mean I wasn’t a big deal around school. I wasn’t “cool,” and people weren’t flocking to me. I don’t know why, but this bothered me in middle school.
I decided to go to a public high school, and while there were never “popular” groups, there were groups of kids who people knew. Girls who people respected and were a little scared of. And I desperately wanted to be one of those girls, so I became one. I got extremely close with three girls. Two of which claimed they were Christians, one of which was not and was not open to hear about my Christianity. I called these girls my best friends for almost 3 years.
We often got in arguments and gossiped about each other. I eventually decided I couldn’t be friends with them anymore at the beginning of junior year. I told the girl I was closest with first, and then the rest of my so called “friends” found out. They instantly became my enemies.
They spread rumors and made going to school terrible. I eventually transferred schools because these girls were in almost all of my classes and I hated going to school every day.
I learned a few things that I think all teens and adults should know about friends. I unfortunately had to learn the hard way, but I hope that you won’t have to.
The first and most important thing I learned was to listen to your mother! Or your dad, or grandparents, or a good Christian friend. I thankfully had another best friend at the time who is a growing Christian who I knew I could trust. Any time I would tell my mom or her about how upset I was with these girls they both would tell me maybe I shouldn’t be friends with them. They told me for a year, and I didn’t listen to them. There’s even a Bible verse about this. Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” I thought I was right; therefore, making me a fool.
However, if you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, remember that God still loves you and that you are not too far from redemption. I toyed around with the idea of leaving these girls for a whole six months before I finally worked up enough courage to do it. And you might think, “Okay so this is where your life got back on track, and you returned to God’s umbrella of protection.” Ha, no. I was not done being foolish. I did not run to God, I ran to everything except God -- Netflix, Youtube, sad songs, books, other friends. I think I was afraid of God telling me what I already knew. I had turned from Him, and even though I didn’t do anything to cause the bullying, I did put myself in that situation.
When I did finally get my act together, I started to have my quiet time again and this verse stood out. “When He saw the crowds, He felt compassion for them, because they were weary and worn out, like sheep without a shepherd.” -Matthew 9:36. “Weary and worn out,” that hits hard, I thought to myself. “Like sheep without a shepherd.” I was a sheep without a shepherd, and God feels compassion for me.
The context around this verse is that Jesus was preaching to towns and saw how literally and spiritually sick these people were. Instead of condemning them, Jesus felt compassion for them. Whenever you’re a child of God, He will feel compassion for the problems you have. Even if you get yourself into them. However, this does not mean He will not punish you. God is a good father, and as our father He has to make sure we get our life back together.
The last thing is that it’s better to be lonely and be under God’s umbrella of protection, than to be in the company of evil. You may have friends, feel included and loved, but that’s only temporary if you don’t have the friends God wants you to have. Because you’ll wind up with more regret and feeling more lonely than you did when you chose to make bad friends. And this is so much easier said than done and trust me being lonely sucks, but I promise you it is worth it in the end. If I had been patient and waited for the right friends instead of taking things into my own hands I probably wouldn’t be where I am now. If only I had listened to this verse found in Romans 8:25, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.” Waiting can save you from a world of hurt.
I’ve learned a lot more from this experience in my life, but I thought I would share some of the things I look for in friends now. I look for friends who I know are growing Christians. How do you know this? Look at their lifestyle. How they talk to others who are not their equal, like a younger sibling, or an underclassman at school. This will show a lot about their heart as it says in Luke 6:45, “A good man produces good out of the good storeroom of his heart. An evil man produces evil out of the evil storeroom, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” Basically what’s in your heart will come out in your words.
If you find yourself a growing Christian, everything else lines up because this person will have God at the center of their heart. They’ll look out for you and tell you when you need to step back in line with God. They will not lead you astray or to temptations, but will help and encourage you to do what’s right. They will love you for who you are and not ask you to be someone you’re not. Christian friends are some of the most important people in your life.
“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” - Proverbs 22:24-25.
So go get yourself some godly girlfriends. They are priceless.