When Mother’s Day Hurts
“Happy Mother’s Day!” We would like to think that all mothers feel happy and loved on Mother’s Day, but the truth is that Mother’s Day is painful for many women. If you are one of these women, you may tend to hide and possibly even pretend that you are handling it just fine, or you may try to ignore Mother’s Day altogether. Does this describe you? If it does, please keep reading and allow this blog to encourage you.
Some of the most overlooked mothers are those whose relationship with their child or children is either strained or nonexistent. One of my clients recently told me through tears that her son is in jail, and that jail is the best place for him right now. Another mother told me that four of her five children have made poor life choices and no longer speak to her. Still others tell me that they have a hard time being in the same room with their children because they argue. If this is you, please remember this: God loves you. He wants to heal your heart. Psalm 120:1 says “I call on the Lord in my distress, and He answers me.” Call on Him. Pour out your heart to Him. He loves you so very much! You are not alone. God sees you.
Other mothers who burden my heart are those whose heart is heavy for their child. Some of them have a child whose future is uncertain due to illness, military service, or maybe fragile mental health. My dad shares a memory from his younger years when his brother was drafted for the Vietnam War. While his brother was in Vietnam, my grandmother was understandably anxious and worried for his safety. My dad recalls seeing my grandmother standing in front of his brother’s closet singing this old hymn in prayer, “Have faith in God. He’s on His throne. Have faith in God. He watches o’er His own! He will not fail. He will prevail! Have faith in God! Have faith in God!” What faith and courage! If this is you, please remember this: God loves you. He wants to calm your anxious heart. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.” Call on Him. He loves you and wants to wrap His arms around you. You are not alone. He sees you.
At this time of year, women who struggle are those who so want to be a mother, but have not yet been given a chance at motherhood. Infertility is a heart-wrenching experience. Test after test, fertility treatment after fertility treatment, and the silent phone while you wait for a call from the adoption agency can all leave you emotionally, physically, and spiritually discouraged and depressed. Often, this issue is not even discussed, because the pain is too great and personal. This leads to isolation and, sometimes, depression. Is this you? Can I offer this word of encouragement to you from Psalm 3:3-5? “But You, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, and the One Who lifts up my head. I cry aloud to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.” His arms are so much bigger than your hurt. Let Him carry you. He sees you.
One other group of mothers whose circumstance crushes my heart is the one whose children are no longer on this earth whether it be through miscarriage, illness, suicide, or homicide. Mothers in this group frequently feel alone not only due to the circumstance but because the rest of us just do not know what to say to them or how to be with them. We shy away because we would rather say nothing than to say the wrong thing when, really, these mommas really just need to know that we care and are willing to just sit and be with them. There is a quote by Maya Angelou that says, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” If you are one of these mothers, please remember this promise in Isaiah 43:2: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” You may feel like your heart is absolutely being ripped out of your chest and that you are unable to breathe at times. When these times come, please remember that you are never ever alone. Even when there is not another human around you, God is your “very present help in time of trouble” (Psalm 46:1). He sees you.
Whether you fall into one of these categories or others, please know that you are loved and that God cares so much about your pain that He sent the Holy Spirit who “joins to help in our weakness…(and) intercedes for us with unspoken groanings” (Romans 8:26). If you need to talk to someone, please talk to a trusted loved one, minister, member of the Girlfriend Ministry, or a professional counselor. Above all, please remember that you are not alone. God loves you, and He sees you.
