Surely I am not the only woman in the world who has ever traveled with a man – husband, dad, brother, whoever – who refused to stop and ask for directions! I know our daughters have because I know their father. I tell people I am a member of the SAU sorority – See America Unintentionally! When our daughters were young and we would strike out on a family trip, we knew what to expect (sort of). If we saw a “scenic route” sign, the girls and I tried (usually unsuccessfully) to distract my husband so that he wouldn’t see the sign. It was interesting to me that he could always see the “scenic route” sign but never notice there was also a “Travel at your own risk” sign very close to the first sign! In retrospect, we can now admit that we got to see a lot of things that we wouldn’t have otherwise, and we can laugh at some of the things that were not so funny at the time. But more times than not, I was wondering, “What was he thinking?” or “Was he thinking?” I couldn’t figure out how his mind worked; I think I should have been scared if I had understood.
Have you ever noticed that life is like that sometimes? Things can be going great just as planned (My plan? God’s plan?) then all of a sudden, something happens, and when the whirlwind turns you loose, everything in your life is headed in a totally different direction. 2007 was one of those years for my family and me. That was the year that I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. I knew I didn’t understand how God’s mind worked, but this made no sense to me whatsoever.
It was a very confusing time for me in many ways. In the two or three years leading up to 2007, God had been building a speaking ministry for me, and I was loving it. He had already put several speaking engagements on my 2007 calendar, and once I got past the shock of having cancer, I realized that I might have to cancel one or two engagements. Then my wonderful Christian oncologist told me that I should probably just go ahead and cancel them all. What?!! Knowing nothing about chemo and its side effects, I figured that I could still handle a few engagements along the way. Then my oncologist dropped the real bomb on me. He said it would probably be the end of 2008 before I would start to feel like a human being again, so I probably shouldn’t count on doing too many events that year either. I wondered what was going on; it made no sense to me that God would put speaking dates on my calendar, knowing that I would have to cancel. Very confusing! What was he thinking?! I wanted an answer; I wanted Him to tell me why He was doing this to me – not the cancer, but taking away the speaking ministry He had given me!
Isaiah 55:8-9 For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord.
(9) For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. (KJV)
I don’t think it would be possible to make things any plainer even to someone who is dealing with “chemo brain.” (I’ll explain that term some day in case you’re not familiar with it.) In essence, what God said to me was – He is God, and I am not! I’m pretty sure He realized that I needed “blunt.”
I still don’t know why God did it the way that He did – why He gave me those wonderful speaking opportunities and then allowed something into my life that would keep me from doing what HE had planned. But it really doesn’t matter. The main thing is that I must always remember that God uses a willing heart – even if I don’t understand His ways.
Just as on our family vacations and taking those “scenic routes,” we did often see things that we would not have otherwise seen. During my time with cancer, God taught me some things I might not have otherwise learned. And if it took having cancer to teach me those things, then I was blessed to have cancer.