.....STOP TALKING AND LISTEN!
What would you consider to be the toughest experience of your life?
What did people say to you that either helped or hurt?
Job had some well-intentioned friends. Unfortunately, they relied on clichés and religious rhetoric to attempt to “help” Job. Despite their best intentions, they really botched things. They said things to him like “You are self-righteous. You know God punishes the wicked. You must have sinned, and now God is punishing you. Repent so that He will lighten up on you.” (My paraphrase). One friend REALLY crossed the line and blamed Job’s deceased children, “You know your children were sinners- bad people - and that’s why all of this happened to you.” (my paraphrase) Job was one self-controlled, righteous man not to have assaulted them at that point!
One friend told him something I have actually heard people say to those who are suffering: “If only you would pray harder and have more faith, God would take it away” or “If you would have had more faith, God would not have allowed it to happen to you in the first place.” Sometimes we just cannot help ourselves from sharing our so-called wisdom, can we?
Friend Eliphaz said something to the effect of, “I know we shouldn’t be talking to you when you are exhausted and so overwhelmed, but I really can’t help myself. I have to give you my opinion.” Girlfriends, I am going to say this firmly in love, so sit down and remember these four words: STOP TALKING AND LISTEN! No matter how much you think you know or how much wisdom you feel you have to share in the moment, DON’T! My favorite quote from Job to his friends on this subject is found in Job 13:5 “If only you would shut up and let that be your wisdom!” People do not need to hear what we have to say. They need for us just to listen and support them. They need to be able to bare their souls and share their burdens and their hurts.
Can you think of a time when you were going through something so difficult and just needed a listening ear, but what you got was a lot of unsolicited advice, so-called “wisdom,” and maybe even criticism? How did that make you feel? How much better would you have felt, if that person would have just been quiet and listened? When is the last time that you sat and listened to a girlfriend’s heart and her pain and did not offer any advice or unsolicited guidance?
Discipline yourself through prayer to just listen. It is hard at times but, oh, so worth it! After you have listened to your girlfriend’s heart, keep checking on her. Do not just let her pass out of your mind. Job’s friends and relatives stopped coming by just like people stop checking on others today (Job 19:13-16). Let her know you are there and then check on her. Pray with her. Love her. If you are the sister who is hurting, let others do this for you.
In the face of such adversity, how is it that we are supposed to respond? We trust God, but we are humans. These God-given emotions that we feel are real. So, how do we balance all of this out? First of all, seek the support of someone you trust – a loved one, a minister or maybe a professional counselor. Do not go through this alone. Know that it is ok to feel anxiety, grief, anger, depression and other emotions at times, and I really believe that God is big enough to be able to take our anger toward Him when we feel hurt. It’s just not good to camp out there with these emotions not doing anything to work through them.
I am amazed at Job’s responses to times of trial. In Job 2:3, God said of Job, “He still retains his integrity.” Just a few verses down, the Bible says, “Throughout all of this Job did not sin in what he said.” I pray God can say that about my response to trials! Job later told his hurting wife, “Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?” (Job 2:10). However, he was a normal human and also responded in ways that we sometimes respond. He asked God, “Why?” He felt hopeless. He wondered if he was being punished. He felt despair. He felt God was being unfair toward him. He lost his sense of self-worth (Job 10:15). However, he also exclaimed that he still had faith because “I know my living Redeemer, and He will stand on the dust at last.”
It is so important that we maintain our open communication with our Redeemer. He loves and cares for us and hurts for us when we are hurting. In our limited knowledge and perspective, it is important that we trust God who has infinite wisdom, power and knowledge. We need to humble ourselves, repent of any known sin and humbly trust God and His sufficiency so that He will get all of the glory!
Note: If you are experiencing severe depression or anxiety, please speak with a licensed mental health professional for help. If you have suicidal thoughts or feelings, please talk to someone you trust and call 911 or go the nearest emergency room. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255.
