Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future."
All little girls dream of living the “fairy tale” life. My dreams/plans for my life and the life I was living were not what I expected. They were definitely no fairy tale. Following what I thought was the plan for my life, I married my high school sweetheart, had two beautiful children, a job where I felt I served others, and a family who loved and supported me until the bottom fell out. Abandoned after 16 years of marriage, I was facing the dreaded “D” word (divorce). My world was shaken and shattered into a million pieces. I felt broken, confused, and wondered what I did to deserve this heartbreak. I was devastated. I didn’t ask for it. I took vows before God that said “in sickness and health, for better or worse, …until death,” and I meant them. I was about to become a single mother with two kids who now unfairly were thrust into their own battles with why this was happening to our family.
In the midst of this storm while fighting depression and feelings of failure, I turned to God to help me, much like we all do when we are in those raging storms of life. While reading God’s written word one day, I was lead to Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” I used this verse to help me move forward daily, but in my head I kept asking, "Why? Why me? Why would God allow this to happen?" I asked God to help me find peace with these terrifying life changes. He lead me to the verse I posted above – Jeremiah 29:11.
Honestly, I thought divorce couldn’t be part of the plan. Consequences for bad choices, maybe? Let me make something clear. I know God doesn’t like divorce, but He does give us freedom to choose our own path. For the record, I did not choose divorce. My ex did. It takes two people to work on a marriage, and my ex moved on before ours was even over. Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. It is just a sin like any other.
Now back to my verse, I took it on as my life verse because it was reassuring and comforting for me to know that God had a plan, and if I would keep Him first and allow Him to lead, then he would show me His plan. I then began to do my best, which by no means was good enough, to remember that no matter what I felt, God had me. It has not been easy, but it has been worth it.
Letting God lead has brought me to a life that only God could have given me: living life with a man who loves me as Christ loved the church in what he lovingly calls our “Forever.” God gifted me with three more children to love. Most shocking to me but not to Him, God has placed me into ministry giving me the opportunity to help others in ways that only He could be a part of. My heart is fullest when I am serving others, showing them God’s love, and helping those who are in the midst of the one of those devastating life shattering moments that I endured. I am not saying that my life has gotten easier. It hasn’t. In fact in some ways, it has gotten harder. What I am saying is I have learned that whatever is thrown my way to exercise my faith. I can endure.
While surviving a round of health issues including finding a grapefruit size tumor in my abdomen, this verse kept reminding me God was not through with me and He can use anything for His glory. Genesis 50:20 says, ”You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done.” My life has not been what most people would call a fairy tale life, but God loves me and has promised me a ‘happily ever after’ because I believe Christ came and died for me and my sins. I choose to look for those fairy tale moments in life like when another member is added to our faith family. My prayer for you is that you find the peace and reassurance only God can give. Now go and be blessed.